How Now Taobao

Sunday, 23rd May, 2010 | 3 Comments »

Taobao.com is a Chinese online shopping site that is causing a stir with its range of direct from the factory items which blitz high street prices. From hair products to electronics, it’s filling the eBay shaped gap that Hong Kong’s never before embraced. Taobao is also a cache for the weird and wonderful. Brouhaha delved deep into the belly of the beast and came out the rear clutching six items and blinking away the tears.

Name: Enormous crab stuffed toy
Cost: 122 HKD
Seller: http://shop36060005.taobao.com/
But of course, why would you not want to drape a giant stuffed toy crab around you as you pose? This cheeky snapper can be used as a pillow, a companion if you’re lonely, a focus piece for your wall or a fantastic Mother’s Day present. “My child gave me crabs,” she’ll say to her friends as they chatter over cake and tea.
Name: Penguin mobile phone
Cost: 420 HKD
Seller: http://jixiangshouji.taobao.com/
This little cutie pie is in fact a mobile phone. Mobile phones aren’t weird (although, you’re holding plastic to your face and you can talk to another human that’s so very far away…) but have you ever seen one like this before? We don’t think so and if you’ve nodded or shouted “Yes” then you’re lying and that is a sin. It’s also a flip phone!
Name: Scream muffler
Cost: 29 HKD
Seller: http://175cz.taobao.com/
Be the champion of any screaming competition by whacking this scream muffler over the faces of your opponents. Made originally for sexually frustrated wives to vent their anger in silence, this clay pot looking device works just as well for farts.
Name: Reflective “Toilet” sticker
Cost: 6 HKD
Seller: http://aiqiche.taobao.com/
This toilet sign is rather special. It encourages an illegal act yet the figures look so cute it makes it all okay. We’re pretty sure they’re good friends and they’re just mucking around. Put this sign over your office toilet and you can be as good friends with your colleagues as these two are. Oh joy!
Name: Plastic toy head in a gas canister
Cost: HKD 103
Seller: http://shop33028854.taobao.com/
The number of times we’ve bought heads and have regretted it is getting ridiculous. Finally we’ve found one that we, “won’t regret buying”. We can’t wait to do all the things you can do with a miniature head! Maybe we’ll put it atop a table? Or maybe we’ll roll it down a slide? Or throw it up in the air and catch it again! Maybe we’ll have a staring contest with it. The bastard has no chance.
Name: Japanese girl doll
Cost: 77 HKD
Seller: http://dwsdoll.taobao.com/
If your girlfriend’s or boyfriend’s birthday is coming up, why don’t you buy them one of these horrific Japanese dolls? Nothing says ‘I like you’ more than a doll that comes to life at night and slices you and your partner’s souls up with a rusty knife. If you don’t have a partner then you could always find one by giving this doll to the first stranger you meet. I’m pretty sure they’ll fall head over heals instantly.

Words: Alex Lendrum

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Posted in Features

3 Comments

  1. tu dou says:
    24 May, 2010 at 9:46 pm

    you won’t regret buying The Head!

  2. doufu says:
    27 May, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    i want a taobao account!
    i might just get me one

  3. doufu says:
    27 May, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    Look! You can buy a scraggly circle of hair to put on top of your head. only 9元! 哇!!

    http://item.taobao.com/item.htm?id=4542557740&ad_id=&am_id=&cm_id=&pm_id=

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